you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
