apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
