If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
