I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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