I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
