i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
