I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
