3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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