3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
