Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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