My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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