We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
