Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
