I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
