I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
