is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We named our party play list daddy issues
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
bring money and cleavage
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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