And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
