This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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