***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
