were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
