Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
