i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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