So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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