i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
