do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
