A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
