guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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