last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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