I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Randomize
