Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
