how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
