Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
