I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
