My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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