i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the day after is always just damage control
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
