He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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