First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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