I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
