thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
