I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Come see our sink grown plant.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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