I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
