i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
