I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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