u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
