he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
