yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
