that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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