For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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