You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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