Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
