I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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