Dual....:-)
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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